


Also Cherry, Mint, Red Plum

by winninghearts



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-05
Updated: 2011-12-05
Packaged: 2017-10-26 22:16:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/288493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winninghearts/pseuds/winninghearts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things have gotten downright unpleasant for the Doctor lately. Nothing is going his way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Also Cherry, Mint, Red Plum

**Author's Note:**

> The was written pre-series 6.

For a honeymoon trip, the Doctor had taken Amy and Rory to a pleasure palace on the planet Zeteva. Unfortunately, there were apparently quite a number of unexpected things that could be picked up in a Zetevian pleasure palace in the Earth year 7025, and one of those things had stuck with them on the TARDIS long after they had left the planet.

The Doctor was walking down a corridor when he heard giggling coming from a room up on the left. For a moment he dare not look, lest he be left with an image that was sure to stick with him for the rest of his regenerations. His innate curiosity and a small spark of hope got the best of him, though. He pushed softly on the half-open door with his fingertip.

Amy sat on a bed, an open box sitting in front of her. In her hands she held up a large purple gadget, lengthy and thick with two discs jutting out of the side. They spun fantastically fast whenever Amy applied pressure to the tip of the device. Currently, she was pressing it against her forehead and laughing.

“What does this even _do_?”

“I could show you,” Jack said, words that caused the Doctor to step in and make his presence known.

“Hey, hey,” he said, “You are talking to a married woman. A married woman with a husband.” No way any adultery was happening on his ship on his watch. Especially when he had to live with the three of them.

Jack shrugged, a smirk on his lips. “I could show him, too.” At that, the closet door opened and Rory exited, outfitted in an ensemble somewhat reminiscent of his Centurion wear, only with more latex and a whip. His eyes caught the Doctor.

“Is he joining us?”

With some repeated mutterings of no, no, no and deep regret over his inability to leave well enough alone, the Doctor turned around and left, using the sonic screwdriver to lock the door when he shut it. Just for extra measure.

 

Nothing was going right, and the Doctor was extremely grumpy. He could not get _anything done_ with those three secluded in that room. He had tried to go off and adventure on his own, and in that he had almost been recruited to a harem for a giant humanoid prince with an insect head. Why was _everyone_ so obsessed with sex?

After that ordeal, he had decided to wait it out in the TARDIS. Because they had to get tired eventually, didn’t they? He might as well sit up with a good book and a nice cup of tea. Extraordinary time and space travels with his friends would be his again in no time.

He was halfway through J.K. Rowling’s Marauder prequel when he heard shuffles and clanging in the kitchen. The Doctor put down his text and went in for a peek. Amy was there, clad in only a bra (stuffed with feathers?) and a pair of boxers, head stuck in the refrigerator.

“Amy Pond! Excellent to see you! Ready for another fantastic journey? I was thinking we could go to Germany, November 1989. Grab some sledgehammers and get a chunk of that wall!” Too late, the Doctor wondered if he sounded a bit overeager. He was greeted only with momentary silence and Amy’s wide eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she said, her mind seeming somewhere else. “I have…I have stuff to do. Maybe later?” Her arms were full of jam jars, every jar of jam the refrigerator had. Strawberry, black currant, grape, Neptunian foamberry. She adjusted the jars to a more comfortable position as she left the room, avoiding the Doctor’s eyes the whole way.

Disgruntled, the Doctor went back to his book, but it was spoiled for him. All he could think was, “But what do they do with the jam?”

 

The Doctor knew he had finally had enough when he caught Rory dressed in one of Rose’s old outfits being spanked by Amy, naked except for a worn leather jacket, with Jack watching very intently from a foot away.

“Oh yeah, smack that time vortex right out of her,” he was muttering.

“No!” The Doctor said, storming down from above. “Stop this immediately!” The three playmates paused in their revelries, all looking surprised as if they had somehow not expected to be discovered in the _console room_.

“And you,” the Doctor said, pointing at Amy. “Please take that off! I had fond memories of that jacket until just now!”

“Gladly,” Amy said, her voice dipping low as she dropped the coat to the ground. Jack and Rory’s attentions immediately switched from the Doctor to her sudden complete nudity.

Which was just fantastic; he had now lost the commanding presence his dramatic entrance had given him. He was the Doctor, for heaven’s sakes; his presence should be far more commanding than some soft pale skin and some supple breasts. Apparently, however, these three had devolved to their most basic instincts, and there was only one way to reason with them.

He grabbed Jack, whose hand was already trailing down Amy’s side, and he kissed him full on the mouth. Jack’s hand that was not on Amy gripped the Doctor’s shoulder tightly, pulling himself ever deeper in the kiss, holding on until the Doctor finally separated.

“I thought you’d never come around,” Jack said, grinning.

“This is only this once,” the Doctor said in a lecturing way, pulling down his braces. “And after this we get straight back to what we normally do, saving planets and the like. Do you understand me?” He gave Rory a solid smack on the ass; it _did_ look awfully nice in that overall dress.

The three nodded in unison. “Yes, sir!”


End file.
